No Matter The Cost

Have you ever longed to do something for many, many years, and once you finally achieve that goal, you feel like you are failing at it miserably? That's kind of where I am at this point of my life right now. Since I was just a young girl, I've longed and dreamed of being a Godly wife and mother more than anything else. All I ever wanted was to be an amazing wife who has a big family with lots of kids. I'm 22 and I, all of a sudden, find myself married to a full-time Student Minister with a 2 yr old little girl, a 9 month old baby girl, and 4 months along with another precious baby. I am a full-time stay-at-home mom who loves her husband and children more than words can even express!!

So....why is motherhood so hard? Why do I think I'm about to lose it and go crazy? Am I making this harder than it has to be? Why is that the only 5 minutes that I can get to myself is when I try to slip away to lock myself in the bathroom before they realize I have left the room, and then they start beating on the door screaming, "Mommy! Momma! Mommy, I want you....I need you!!!" Any mother can tell you the true meaning of selflessness. I guess I didn't realize how selfish I really was until I became a mommy myself.

I guess the reason I feel like I'm failing miserably at this wife/mother thing is that I realize how HARD it truly is. I've realized the responsibility that God puts on parents to raise up a child in the ways of the Lord. I've realized that I don't want to just "make it"....I want to THRIVE. I want our family to thrive in the things of God. So many people tell me that I just need to get through each day, day by day. Although that is true, I want to live each day like its my last with family....that I truly show them and exemplify the genuine love of Christ. I want to enjoy this season of my life and not just always looking to the next season or "phase" in life. I've realized that my precious children will be adults impacting the world longer than they were my children in my home. Wow! That is huge! Chris and I are shaping and molding our kids into the adults they will be one day!! Sometimes we forget that when we feel like all we are doing is changing dirty diapers, cleaning up throw up/spit up, feeding kids ALL hours of the day (and night sometimes), wiping dirty faces and snotty noses, trying to just stay well for a solid WEEK out of the year it seems, just trying to make it out of the door with the kids dressed and fed with diaper bags packed and in hand because we are already running 15 minutes late, and the list can go on and on. My point is that it is so easy to forget the TRUE task at hand....striving to raise up children that will fall desperately in love with Jesus Christ more than anything else in this world.

Now...am I perfect in this task? The Lord knows that I feel like I am the farthest from it most days. Are my expectations for myself and my family too high? Maybe....but, I don't really think so. I don't think God really designed us to just "make it" and to do what you have to do to get by in this world, but He made us to strive to "thrive" for His Glory! The key is it is ALL for His Glory!!! I'm just so very grateful that I serve a God who is gracious, merciful, loving, forgiving, and sees me covered in His blood because I fall so short so many times.

I'm thankful for my husband who is a genuine man of God who is taking the lead in leading our family. Chris is my rock and my greatest encourager. TOGETHER we can do this! This is the way God purposed and designed the family, right? We MUST allow Christ to be the head of our home, and we follow in His ways, no matter the cost...

Gratitude to our Great God

I'm so very proud of my man, my husband, and my best friend, Chris, for finishing his bachelor's degree from Liberty University as of yesterday! No one knows more than I do how hard he has had to work to finish it. Being married, having a full-time ministry job, raising two babies (and another one on the way), and taking care of a wife that STAYS pregnant can really make school a lot more difficult!! I can remember him having to write three 7-10 page papers the week Rosalyn was born because it was the week of finals!! Talk about stressful? But it never phased him! And it would NEVER fail...anytime our pastor at our former church would ask Chris to preach, he would have a huge research paper due that Sunday night after preaching that morning and night! Of course, he would still have to fulfill all of his other ministry duties/obligations as well during the week as a youth minister/worship leader! It's so fresh on my mind when a few Sundays he would teach Sunday School, lead worship, preach, sometimes have a meeting that afternoon, teach Discipleship Training, lead worship again, preach again, and THEN have to come home and finish up a couple of assignments if he had any due that night! I don't think I have EVER known a person that can multi-task better than my amazing husband can and still do everything WELL!!! Somehow.... someway....he would always get it done. I truly am in awe of him on a daily basis!! He says he has me fooled, but I genuinely know how GREAT he truly is!! I know without a doubt the only way he made it the past 2-3 years is GOD'S GRACE. He had to rely on the precious strength of our great King. I'm so grateful God gave him the strength to press on when it seemed impossible to get everything done in my eyes. I appreciate my sweet husband's diligence to do whatever it takes to provide for his family who loves and adores him more than he will ever know! I am looking forward to whatever the Lord has in store for him and our family next....whatever it may be!! I love you, Chris, and I am one extremely proud wife!! :)